Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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