There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
