My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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