from now on my penis is your penis
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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