there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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