I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
