it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
