My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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