there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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