he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
