What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
All the doctor said was why
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
