Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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