I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
