if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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