how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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