Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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