I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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