Texts From Last Night

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  (347): View more from New York

  I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot

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  (347): I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot http://tfl.nu/oi7m
  Replies (4) Good night (3274) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.

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  (832): I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover. http://tfl.nu/1njk
  Replies (14) Good night (3000) Bad night (1064) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..

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  (313): I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together.. (313): I can't decide if I actually want to know or not.. http://tfl.nu/mkwc
  Replies (18) Good night (840) Bad night (4471)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me

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  (201): They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me http://tfl.nu/zcpa
  Replies (6) Good night (3937) Bad night (902)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.

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  (678): I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you. http://tfl.nu/ocnt
  Replies (1) Good night (1900) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.

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  (678): I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out. http://tfl.nu/nryy
  Replies (12) Good night (2454) Bad night (1225) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.

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  (708): Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover. http://tfl.nu/rh7v
  Replies (1) Good night (1219) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.

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  (402): There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster. http://tfl.nu/rpfq
  Replies (2) Good night (1371) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much

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  (518): I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much http://tfl.nu/5fop
  Replies (2) Good night (1149) Bad night (437) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.

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  (614): They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor. http://tfl.nu/swbu
  Replies (24) Good night (1238) Bad night (3383) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.

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  (615): I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/1nuc
  Replies (7) Good night (980) Bad night (591)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card

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  (928): I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card http://tfl.nu/lhlg
  Replies (5) Good night (385) Bad night (914)
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  (562): View more from California

  Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?

  (916): View more from California

  My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude

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  (562): Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am? (916): My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude http://tfl.nu/ko0p
  Replies (1) Good night (768) Bad night (592)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs

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  (517): I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs http://tfl.nu/fis6
  Replies (9) Good night (2248) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.

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  (765): So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor. http://tfl.nu/2e0y
  Replies (6) Good night (1277) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt

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