WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him