What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.