That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
