i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The air was thick with penises
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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