dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
my poor anus
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
