I wish I could punch you in the face.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
