Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
