Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
