she was so not down for the gang bang
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
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