Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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