Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
