i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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