Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
then he tried to convert me to islam
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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