Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
