remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
