it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Did I show you my penis last night?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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