I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
