Where did you get a picture of my penis
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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