im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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