Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
