I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
