Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
