and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
