I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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