worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
