My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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