dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
