in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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