In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
