I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
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After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
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You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My vagina is officially offended.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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