I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
