who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
