No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
