Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
