He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
