I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick