4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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