Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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