I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
