He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
