Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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