Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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