I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
