he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
