yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
