im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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