I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
