Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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