if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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