R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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