A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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