beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
