im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
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thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
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Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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