remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
