You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
