Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
