an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
