I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
