i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
