If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
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Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize