I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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