I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
