Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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