I wannas sexs uuuuu
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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