why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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